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Oh yeah, one more thing: If you "spread the
word of my wonderfulness" like I mentioned in yesterday's
newsletter, please send the "You Owe Me" email to me at
[email protected].

Sincerely,

Gary C. Halbert

P.S. It has just been discovered that Santa Claus is Jewish,
Muslim, Catholic, Black, Latino, Asian, Female, Homosexual,
and has a touch of evil in his past. Therefore, he will come
visit everybody who will welcome him.

Peace.

# 2005 - Enlightening-TimeSensitive

From:

North of Jewfish Creek

Dear Friend & Subscriber,

This will truly be one of the most
ENLIGHTENING newsletters you will ever read.

This will truly be one of the most TIME
SENSITIVE newsletters you will ever read.

And believe me... if you don't "get it" from
this newsletter... you never will.

Follow Along
As I Tell You A Little Story...

Once upon a time in a land far, far away
lived a fair maiden who worked for an ogre copywriter. She
was rather shy and delicate. She always dreamt of taking
that giant step of having…

But one day her ogre of a boss said to her,

"Fair maiden, my brain is
frazzled. I need you to write an issue of my newsletter for
me."

"Oh
no!" pleaded the fair maiden.
"I am but a fair maiden and NOT a
copywriter! I simply type the wonderful words you write... I
can't possibly write the words…

"Dear, dear,
fair maiden," the ogre replied,
"it will be all right. I just need
to get my creative juices flowing. If you write something...
anything... it'll be the battery charger my brain needs to
get going. Don't take it so seriously. Just give me
something... anything... to ignite my brain."

And so the fair maiden sat at her wooden
table and with paper and quill pen in hand...

She Began To Write!

When the fair maiden finished her writing
assignment, she gave it to the ogre to read. While she sat
there holding her breath, the ogre read the entire
newsletter. Then he read it a second time.

The ogre took the newsletter to another
servant who didn't know the fair maiden had written it. The
ogre asked this servant,

"I know
I'm your boss but I need you to tell me what you think about
this newsletter. Don't butter me up or anything. Give it to
me straight. No matter how bad you think…

The servant replied honestly,
"I don't see where it's any
different than your other newsletters. It's your great
writing as always."

And with that, the fair maiden's newsletter
was published.

For a number of years, this fair maiden
wrote newsletters and sales letters and order coupons. But
she did it all within her own "comfort zone…

Is there a moral to this story? You betcha
there is!

No Matter How Inexperienced

You Are At Writing...

You CAN Do It!

The "fair maiden" I've been referring to in
this newsletter is none other than

"My #1 Trusty Assistant Theresa".

She's drafted a number of sales letters for me
over the years.

She's penned and formatted many an order
coupon for me (and for some of my clients) over the years.

She's written a number of newsletters for me
over the years.

Remember I told you at the beginning of this
newsletter it would be ENLIGHTENING? Even though the words
were written in a "fairy tale" tone... the words and story
are true. If a fair maiden who has no desire to be a
copywriter can write sales letters and order coupons and
newsletters... than it just goes to prove... YOU CAN…

And remember I told you at the beginning of
this newsletter it would be TIME SENSITIVE?

Well, this fair maiden has gone and gotten herself "hitched"
(married) and... after 17-years of working with me... she's
abandoning me!

Theresa's last day is only two days away (Friday,
December 23, 2005) and I think it would be an amazing
farewell if all of my newsletter readers told her how she's
been an inspiration to them... or how she's helped them at
one of my seminars... or how she's bent over backwards to
get one of…

How She'll Miss

Working For The Ogre

Sir Gary Of Halbert!

Since I've only given you a few days to do
this, you can send your "good-bye" greetings to her by
fax at 352/861-1665 or by email to

[email protected].

Sincerely,

Gary Halbert

The "Ogre" Himself

P.S. If you think I'm joking about the writing capabilities
of Theresa and you want to see it for yourself, then you
need to send an email to me at

[email protected]. In the "Subject Line" of
your email write "Fair Maiden's Writing". I'll send you a
PDF file (you…

# Legally Blind

Dear Friend and Subscriber,

Dr. Larry Patterson, possibly
the best eye surgeon in America, looked up from his instrument
and said...

"Gary, It's Official. You

Are Legally Blind!"

His words were no surprise.
My vision had been troublesome all my life and, during
the last year, had gotten exponentially worse. One eye
was nearsighted, one eye was…

It was increasingly difficult
to navigate my life. Where a normal person would see two
headlights coming from a car at night, I would see perhaps
eighteen. I couldn't read my computer with my nose against
the screen. I couldn't recognize my youngest son's face
from across a small room in San Diego. Couldn't read a…

For much of last year I've
been traveling with a seeing-eye Jew from Brooklyn, Sam
Markowitz. I've been teaching him to write world class-copy
(boy he's good!) and he's been helping me cross streets
like a little old lady and making sure I use the men's
room instead of the ladies.

But, The Nightmare Is Now Over Due To

The Genius Of Doctor Larry Patterson!

He performed the delicate
surgery I needed in Crossville, Tennessee, and now that
my two eyes have healed I can see almost perfectly! Isn't
that a miracle? That a man like Larry Patterson can change
a person from legally blind to almost 20/20 vision…