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Bernadette told me she had just auctioned off most of her
possessions before she ever left New Orleans. She asked me,
"They'll have to pay me won't
they? After all, my possessions were auctioned off before
the hurricane." Apparently, when you work with an
auction house, you don't get paid until 30 days after your
items have…

I didn't have the heart to point out to her
there was a great possibility the auction company
no longer existed. That it may very well have been destroyed
by Hurricane Katrina.

She told me she didn't mind if
people looted her apartment. She said there was nothing
to take but furniture and paintings. She didn't think…

In any case, here she was, having survived
the horrors of World War II and now (at 77 years of age)
trying to survive the horrors of Hurricane Katrina.
Bernadette was
attempting to return to her home (if it still existed) with
very little money and no possessions except what she took
with her on her trip to Costa Rica…

I don't know what has happened to Bernadette
Lewis but, if anybody can find her and she needs some
help, I would be more than welcome to help her personally
to the best of my ability.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, my
youngest son Bond read in the "Los Angeles Times" some of
the evacuees had made it to…

One curious thing the evacuees asked for was
decks of playing cards. This puzzled me at first. Then I got
to thinking about it. I guess playing poker or other card
games for matchsticks is a better way to get through the day
during the aftermath of a disaster... than just staring into
space hour after hour and worrying about…

Anyway, after he bought all these items, he
put them in his truck and drove back to the Red Cross shelter.
He gave everything directly to the people who needed it.

I'm enormously proud of my son. He has
far
more wisdom than his father will ever possess.

The message I've tried to illustrate here
is...

If You Want To Help The Victims

Of This Disaster, I Think You Should

Give That Help To The Victims Directly!

I've become jaded. I think the
worst organization in this country we can donate money to
help people is the United States Government. And, I am very
suspect of…

Anyway, I really don't want to receive any
more emails about Hurricane Katrina. Most of the emails I did receive were
intelligent and well-reasoned and had very good ideas in
them. But, I don't even want to read those kinds of emails
any more.

On a lighter note, one very misguided reader wrote that since so many people read my newsletter and trust me, I should form "The Gary Halbert Hurricane Relief Fund"
and raise money and administer the funds myself.

Is That Insane Or What?

Get it out of your head. I hereby promise
if anyone ever contributes money to "The Gary
Halbert Hurricane Relief Fund", I will spend that money on
booze, drugs, hookers, online gambling and making illogical bets on
Mexican cockfights.

Actually Shitweasel, I wouldn't do any of
that. But I would screw up the administration of the funds
in some uniquely creative way. I am not who many of you seem
to think I am. I'm somebody who's trying to make it from one
day to the next and whose game plan is "Trudge And Muddle".

One last thing on this subject: Recently, we
had a truly "banner" day for news. More bodies were being uncovered
in New Orleans. The problems caused all along the Gulf
Coast states were being covered in minute detail. Hurricane
Ophelia was pounding North Carolina with a vengeance. A very
large tropical disturbance was brewing in the Caribbean, and it looked…

It doesn't seem to be getting better. So, you know what? I'm going to do my best
to put these tragedies out of my mind (at least until "Rita"
blows me off my balcony) and get back to doing what I do
best... which is... teaching people how to be more
effective at...

Operation Moneysuck!

Let's say you are a copywriter and you want
to make a lot of money from the words you write. One way to
do this is to simply be a freelance copywriter and sell your
work to one or more clients. You can write for a set fee... or...
you can write and get paid a percentage…

There are a lot of good clients out there who will pay you a
good amount of money in return for you creating good advertising
copy for them.

But, there are also a lot of bad clients who will screw you one way or another out of the
financial rewards of your hard-earned work. How shalt thy be
screwed…

There are two main ways:

#1: "Simple Theft"

You do the work, give it to
the client and he simply doesn't pay you. Or maybe he will
pay you your up-front fee but not the percentage from the sales
you are supposed to get (which can amount to an awful lot of
money). Almost every copywriter I know…

The preponderance of how you get
screwed out of money from clients is...

#2: "Under-Exploitation Of Your Work"

What I
mean by this is, you write something with a high ROI
(Return On Investment) but your client proceeds with almost
criminal caution. If it's a direct mail piece, maybe he'll
mail 5,000 letters and get $5…

Or, maybe he will fear getting an
abnormal amount of refunds and he'll wait forever to make a
second mailing until he feels safe he's not going to
get a 70 or 80% refund rate.

Or,
maybe he has a merchant account with an absurd limit of only $10,000...
and...
you have given him a mailing piece…

Or, maybe he
will be stupid about customer service and making refunds and
get closed down by an alphabet agency before he really gets
the project going.

Most likely, however, your client will
suffer from a built-in mental barrier which makes him very
uncomfortable if he happens to be taking in large amounts of
money.

Of all the times you get screwed by clients from
simple theft... you will get screwed 50 times as often... by
people who don't have the brains, the balls or the skills to
properly exploit the money-making possibilities of the
advertising you have given them.