zkzz pound for pound

"Gee,
Uncle Jack, maybe it has something to do with the hurricane
going on outside."

"Well,
damnit, someone needs to do something about it. Wanda, you
call 'Rumor Control' right now!"

And so it goes. Now it's Debby. Only this
time, I've decided to write my newsletter before she
hits instead of after. I think it's just my way of dealing
with minutia instead of the monster. I know how to
write a newsletter. I don't know how to control acts of
God. My son Bond just called urging me to get out of here. But
you know what? ALL Keys' visitors have been ordered to leave
by Monroe County Emergency Management. So have all
high-profile vehicles. Highway 1 (the only road out) is
clogged with semi's, campers, RV's, buses, cars, etc. Just one
of those suckers has to run out of gas, blow a tire or
whatever and you'll have thousands of vehicles stranded about 1-1/2 inches above sea level
just stopped there like sitting ducks for sweet Debby to
eviscerate at her leisure. Besides the "strike zone"
probability area of this bitch is anywhere from Key West to
Palm Beach which means...

All Those Who Are

Fleeing Debby Might Be

Driving Right Into Her Arms!

Do you give a shit? Of course not. Hey, you
don't live here... so... I don't blame you. To tell the truth,
I myself haven't been fretting too much about all those
tornadoes in Oklahoma and Texas. What you want is to learn to
write copy, right? Well, since that's my job, I've decided to
get to it! Here's a choice piece for your "swipe
file."

KEYS TOURISM ADVISORY #2 8/22/00, 11 a.m.

INFORMATION
FROM THE MONROE COUNTY TOURIST DEVELOPMENT COUNCIL IN
CONJUNCTION WITH MONROE

COUNTY EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT

KEYS
VISITORS ORDERED TO LEAVE

BECAUSE
OF DEBBY

VACATIONERS
TO THE KEYS SHOULD POSTPONE

TRAVEL
PLANS

18-MILE
STRETCH RE-OPENS FOLLOWING

TANKER
ACCIDENT

"A mandatory
evacuation order for all visitors and non-residents to
the Florida Keys has been ordered by Monroe County
Emergency Management, effective noon today (Wednesday
Aug. 23), due to the threat of Tropical Storm Debby, A
state of emergency is now in effect for Monroe County.

"Previously a
hurricane, at 11 a.m. Wednesday, Debby had been
downgraded to a tropical storm by the National
Hurricane Center, but is expected to re-intensify and
regain hurricane status once it moves over open water.
The 11 a.m. position had the center of the storm
situated 19.8 N, 69.7 W or just off the northern coast
of the Dominican Republic and about 720 miles
southeast of the Upper Keys. Sustained winds are at 70
mph and the storm was moving just north of west, at
about 17 mph.