zkzz pound for pound

Picture it: Cars and trucks are bumper to
bumper from Key West to Orlando, rain and wind are hitting
everyone with the viciousness of an artillery attack, you
can't buy, beg or steal a hotel room or any other place to
stay... and... in the middle of all this...

Some Idiot Bitch Wants

To Know If The Place

Has A Pool!

Last year it was Hurricane Irene. She dumped
so much rain on this part of Florida, she flooded me out of my
apartment and I've been almost a total transient ever since. I
rode that one out with my Aunt and Uncle in the upstairs part
of the house. By that time Jack's cancer had gotten hold of
his mental faculties and I remember him asking me, "Gary, I wonder why the electricity just went out?"

"Gee,
Uncle Jack, maybe it has something to do with the hurricane
going on outside."

"Well,
damnit, someone needs to do something about it. Wanda, you
call 'Rumor Control' right now!"

And so it goes. Now it's Debby. Only this
time, I've decided to write my newsletter before she
hits instead of after. I think it's just my way of dealing
with minutia instead of the monster. I know how to
write a newsletter. I don't know how to control acts of
God. My son Bond just called urging me to get out of here. But
you know what? ALL Keys' visitors have been ordered to leave
by Monroe County Emergency Management. So have all
high-profile vehicles. Highway 1 (the only road out) is
clogged with semi's, campers, RV's, buses, cars, etc. Just one
of those suckers has to run out of gas, blow a tire or
whatever and you'll have thousands of vehicles stranded about 1-1/2 inches above sea level
just stopped there like sitting ducks for sweet Debby to
eviscerate at her leisure. Besides the "strike zone"
probability area of this bitch is anywhere from Key West to
Palm Beach which means...

All Those Who Are

Fleeing Debby Might Be

Driving Right Into Her Arms!

Do you give a shit? Of course not. Hey, you
don't live here... so... I don't blame you. To tell the truth,
I myself haven't been fretting too much about all those
tornadoes in Oklahoma and Texas. What you want is to learn to
write copy, right? Well, since that's my job, I've decided to
get to it! Here's a choice piece for your "swipe
file."

KEYS TOURISM ADVISORY #2 8/22/00, 11 a.m.

INFORMATION
FROM THE MONROE COUNTY TOURIST DEVELOPMENT COUNCIL IN
CONJUNCTION WITH MONROE

COUNTY EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT

KEYS
VISITORS ORDERED TO LEAVE

BECAUSE
OF DEBBY