zkzz pound for pound

She and I are dead asleep when the building
starts shaking like a six pack of empty beer cans thrown into
a high-speed clothes dryer. I thought for a moment I had
somehow passed out in the Empire State Building and King Kong
(remember him, the giant ape?) was shaking the living shit out
of the building because he wanted to wake me up so he could
scream and bitch about something.

The first words out of my mouth (and I swear
this is true) were, "Hey
baby, was it good for you too?"

Apparently God or whomever was at the control
of the GIANT COSMIC MAGNET that night didn't see the humor in
my remark because... immediately... a huge dresser crashed
down on my head. I managed to get out from under the dresser,
wrapped my arms and body around the lady I was with and kept
saying over and over, "Just
hang in there honey. I've got you. I've got you good.
Everything's gonna be OK."

That part about everything being OK turned out
to be somewhat of an exaggeration. Her apartment was literally
shaken apart. Pictures and photos were flung from the walls;
furniture was overturned; her refrigerator had toppled over
with the door hanging open and milk, orange juice, eggs, and
the like were spilling onto the kitchen floor; her computer,
stereo and TV were trashed; and... oh hell, you get the idea.

Finally the shaking subsides a bit and, in the
darkness guiding ourselves by sliding our hands against the
walls, we stumble from the bedroom to the living room and
kitchen areas. Whoa! Holy shit! The first of many (thousands
of them) aftershocks hit us. Somehow for some reason I end up
in the kitchen area and then, stagger back into the living
room/dining room area. "Gary!
Gary! Gary!" she screams.

"What?
What? What is it?" I reply frantically.

"You
Are Tracking Orange Juice And

Milk All Over My Carpet!"

Is that a woman for you or what? Actually,
I've noticed that all of us, as one of our coping mechanisms,
tend to focus on minutia when something monstrous is
happening. Believe it or not, her remark made me feel deeply
ashamed and I was standing there with a stricken look on my
face when, she looked at me, we both looked at the totally
devastated apartment, realized we had both been literally
shaken insane... and... we collapsed into a fit of compulsive
laughter. (Which, I think, is another coping mechanism.)