zkzz pound for pound

# zkzz pound for pound

From:

South of Jewfish Creek

Help! I'm trapped in a trailer and I can't get
out!

Natural disasters seem to follow me around
like I'm a little pile of iron fillings bedeviled by some
giant cosmic magnet. Remember that monster earthquake that hit
California in 1993? I was there. I left Florida and was in
California to head up a brainstorming session on how to profit
from the Internet. After the session, I returned to where I
was staying, which was an apartment of an ex-girlfriend who
was living in Studio City.

She and I are dead asleep when the building
starts shaking like a six pack of empty beer cans thrown into
a high-speed clothes dryer. I thought for a moment I had
somehow passed out in the Empire State Building and King Kong
(remember him, the giant ape?) was shaking the living shit out
of the building because he wanted to wake me up so he could
scream and bitch about something.

The first words out of my mouth (and I swear
this is true) were, "Hey
baby, was it good for you too?"

Apparently God or whomever was at the control
of the GIANT COSMIC MAGNET that night didn't see the humor in
my remark because... immediately... a huge dresser crashed
down on my head. I managed to get out from under the dresser,
wrapped my arms and body around the lady I was with and kept
saying over and over, "Just
hang in there honey. I've got you. I've got you good.
Everything's gonna be OK."

That part about everything being OK turned out
to be somewhat of an exaggeration. Her apartment was literally
shaken apart. Pictures and photos were flung from the walls;
furniture was overturned; her refrigerator had toppled over
with the door hanging open and milk, orange juice, eggs, and
the like were spilling onto the kitchen floor; her computer,
stereo and TV were trashed; and... oh hell, you get the idea.

Finally the shaking subsides a bit and, in the
darkness guiding ourselves by sliding our hands against the
walls, we stumble from the bedroom to the living room and
kitchen areas. Whoa! Holy shit! The first of many (thousands
of them) aftershocks hit us. Somehow for some reason I end up
in the kitchen area and then, stagger back into the living
room/dining room area. "Gary!
Gary! Gary!" she screams.