tugboats

WANNA BUY SOME

HEROIN?

HEY
YOU!
HERE'S YOUR

CHANCE TO GET TIME-LIFE AT

HALF THE NEWSTAND PRICE!

HEY DUMBO! YOU

WANNA BUY SOME

GOOP THAT GROWS

HAIR ON BALD HEADS.

ARE
YOU FAT?

OUR NEW PILL LETS YOU

EAT LIKE A HOG AND

LOOK LIKE AN ANOREXIC!

BUY
PRODUCT X,

IT'S CHEAPER

BUY
PRODUCT Z,

IT'S SMALLER

BUY!
BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY!

And
so on. No warm up. No dignity. No simple respect. No sales savvy,
whatsoever.

Believe
me, there is a far better way.

Listen
to this: it has been proven that music really does have the ability to
elevate our mood. However, if you're in a sad mood, what you shouldn't
do is start right out by listening to happy music. No. What you do is
start out with music that matches your current mood and then, little by
little, you elevate the mood and the beat of the music by degrees until
your mood is where you want it to be.

If
you don't, if you instead start with super bouncy music being played to
a super depressed person, then the mood of the music and the mood of
the person will be so far apart they will clash and you will not
achieve the desired result.

In
other words, if you want to warm up a room full of people, you achieve
better results by gradually turning up the rheostat then you will by
setting the room on fire.

Let's
talk about tugboats. Hark unto me. When a tugboat goes out to rescue an
ocean liner, the main thing the tugboat captain has got to do is get
the two vessels connected with a huge steel cable perhaps half a foot
thick. But how? How do you get half a ton of steel cable from one boat
to another in the middle of a raging sea?