2005 - 07-26-05

Now comes the stupid question which I am
sure is forming in the minds of many of my readers:

"But
gosh Gary, I don't have a store. I don't have an office. Besides,
I want to remain anonymous. What am I supposed to do?"

Looky here, you brainless twit. You can do
this and still remain anonymous. And, without lying.

If you do have an office or a store, just
publicize it in the way I just described.

If you don't have an office or a store, just
spend $100 (or less) per month to get yourself a little 100
square foot office or retail space. It'll probably cost you
an extra $6 per month to put in a POTS line. (Plain Old
Telephone Service line.) Then, if you're really Walter
Mittyish like and chintzy, put a voicemail on your POTS line
with an outgoing message that says:

"Hi, you've reached ABC
Widgets Incorporated. We're busy right now but if you'll
leave your name and number, we'll get right back with you."

Then, of course, get right back to them yourself. Or if
you're truly a gutless wonder, pay somebody a minimum wage
to retrieve and make these return phone calls for you.

Just think what you will have achieved by
doing what I just suggested: You will have implanted in the
minds of all your would-be customers that they know where
you are, and that they can visit or telephone you almost any
time they chose. In other words, they'll know they can...

Reach Out And Touch You!

I hate giving out valuable advice like this
which I know so few of you will follow.

Specifically yours,

Gary C. Halbert

P.S. As you can tell by reading my personal ad, and by the
fact I planned an "escape route" for Caleb, and by the fact
I have a beautiful and non-toxic Costa Rican girlfriend, I
pretty much know all there is to know about women! For
example, I bet you didn't know that women have four specific
different kinds of orgasms. They are: