2005 - 07-26-05

Let's take that a step further. What if in
our ad we spelled it all out like this:

"Our little company, ABC Widgets, Inc.
is located at 123 Elm Street in Massillon, Ohio. Our ZIP
Code is
44646. Our toll-free order-taking phone number is 1-800-xxx-xxxx.
You can reach an operator there any time, 24-hours a day,
7-days a week. However, if you
have any questions, you can call us directly at
1-216-xxx-xxxx. You can call our office any time Monday through
Friday, from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
And if you are ever in our area, we'd love for you to visit and we'll be happy to show you the merchandise we are
selling. Just make sure you don't come by between 12 noon
and 1:00 p.m. because that's when we close up shop for
lunch."

Most of you reading this can't even begin
to imagine...

How POWERFUL An Addition

Those FEW Words Will Be

To Your Sales Pitches!

And all of you should know this: Only a
tiny, tiny percentage of your customers will actually ever
visit you or even telephone you. But, all of your would-be
customers will be greatly comforted by the fact they COULD
visit you if they wanted to and they COULD telephone you if
they so desired.

Now comes the stupid question which I am
sure is forming in the minds of many of my readers:

"But
gosh Gary, I don't have a store. I don't have an office. Besides,
I want to remain anonymous. What am I supposed to do?"

Looky here, you brainless twit. You can do
this and still remain anonymous. And, without lying.

If you do have an office or a store, just
publicize it in the way I just described.

If you don't have an office or a store, just
spend $100 (or less) per month to get yourself a little 100
square foot office or retail space. It'll probably cost you
an extra $6 per month to put in a POTS line. (Plain Old
Telephone Service line.) Then, if you're really Walter
Mittyish like and chintzy, put a voicemail on your POTS line
with an outgoing message that says:

"Hi, you've reached ABC
Widgets Incorporated. We're busy right now but if you'll
leave your name and number, we'll get right back with you."

Then, of course, get right back to them yourself. Or if
you're truly a gutless wonder, pay somebody a minimum wage
to retrieve and make these return phone calls for you.