Modesty Personified

You know, I could write a more compelling sales letter
to you for my copywriting services. But frankly I'm
tired of writing about myself and this half-assed,
sloppy pitch is making me feel "funny". But, I do feel
moved to tell you another story.

I was recently contacted by a guy who said he had read
each and every issue of my newsletter on my website and
he was thinking about hiring me. He wondered if I would
send him a portfolio of ads I had written for other
people so he could evaluate whether or not I had enough
talent to work for him. I was NOT polite with this guy.
I told him something to the effect, "Look, if you've
really read all my newsletters, many of which include
examples of what I've written for other people, and you
are still in doubt as to whether you should hire me or
not, you are NOT a serious person." Actually, what I
said was much more profane than that. But, I see no need
to reprint it here.

This deal is not for everyone. There are certain people
who shouldn't even think about calling me in response to
this offer. So please, if you fall into even one of the
following categories... do NOT contact me.

* I
don't want to waste one single second with somebody who
cannot afford my $15,000 upfront fee and/or thinks they
are going to be able to hire me at a discount.

*
Also, I don't want to talk with anyone who has to check
with anyone else as to whether or not they should hire
me. If you have to check with your lawyer, your
accountant, your spouse, your mommy or your daddy or
anyone else, just assume it wouldn't be a good idea and
don't waste my time.

* My
methods are unusual, to say the least. Don't expect me
to slow down to a crawl just to make you comfortable.
When it comes to money, I go right for the jugular and,
if this takes you out of your comfort zone, you should
look in the Yellow Pages of your phone book under
"Advertising Agencies" and go ahead and waste your time
talking to one of those brilliant Ph.D.'s who'll be
happy to create a much more conventional (and totally
unprofitable) campaign for you.