Free Perfume Giveaway

Don't miss it because this is the chance of a lifetime.
time! As scon as you arrive you will get to meet
Tova & Ernie plus Marty Allen and many other
special friends of the Borgnines.
But best of all. there is NO ADMISSION and you
will get a FREE sample of TOVA perfume!
sprayed with a certain substance that some
people claim acts as a sexual magnet.
Whether or not that substance is, in fact, a
carilal magnat is still cuhiart to dehate. hut
one thing is sure and it is this: Time after
time every new audience selected the
sprayed seats above all others!
Why? Nobody seems to know for sure.
Perhaps even more frightening is information that is starting to leak out about a
substance that seems to make people more
agreeable and friendly. If this turns out to
be true can you imagine how dangerous
something like this would be in the hands of
a master salesman or a politician?
Anyway, all this brings us to a discussion
of what may be the most exciting new fragrance developed in the last 10,000 years.
The perfume is called TOVA and it was de-

INTERVIEWER: Why is it. Mrs. Borg-
nine, that your new perfume has created such a sensation?
Toir: Weii, fur one ining, encryives just
seems to like the fragrance. Maybe it's
just as simple as that.
INTERVIEWER: Bull! You
more than that. Everybody I've talked
with is wondering if you've put some
kind of illegal sexual stimulant or aphrodisiac in TOVA perfume.
TOVA: That's ridiculous! TOVA perfume
contains nothing dangerous, nothing illegal and, above all, nothing that could
conceivably he classified as a sex drug!
INTERVIEWER: We've heard rumours.
Mrs. Borgnine. that unless Ernie is
with you, he refuses to let you wear
your new perfume in public. Is this
veloped by Mrs. Ernest (Tova) Borgnine
and a number of dedicated researchers who
she refers to as "The hardest working
group of people I have ever met!"
Mrs. Borgnine absolutely insists there is
nothing in this fragrance that should
frighten anybody or lead them to believe
they could use it to win an election or sell a
vacuum cleaner. She also insists there is

TOVA: I have no comment on that.
INTERVIEWER: Are you wearing TOVA
right now?
TOVA: No.
INTERVIEWER: Why not?
TOVA: Once again, I'd rather not com-
ment. In fact, I'd appreciate it if we
nothing in the fragrance that she knows
about that could be classified as a medical
INTERVIEWER: O.K. Mrs. Borgnine,
but before we do I'd like to ask you to
However, no matter what Mrs. Borgnine
says, this perfume is definitely unique. First
of all, this stuff smells great! Not just good.
Not just pleasant. Not just friendly or en-
chanting. This stuff absolutely smells fan-
INTERVIEWER: What I'd like is for you
to swear, under oath. on a bible that
everything you have told me so far is
In fact, many people (especially men) say
shat once they smell it they just can't get it

Why? What's going on here? Is there,
perhaps.
something in this perfume that
should he declared illegal? If not, then what

TOVA: You're kidding! I've never heard of
such a thing. You've got to be out of
your head!
INTERVIEWER: No. Mrs. Borgnine I'm
not kidding and here is the bible.

Note: At this point, Mrs. Borgnine became
visibly angry but after about ten minutes
she cooled down a little and finally agreed
to the interviewer's request and placed her
left hand on the bible and her. right hand in
the air. TOVA: ().K., for the first and last time. once and for all, I hereby swear before
God (and all the customers of the Palm
Restaurant) that TOVA perfume does
not, to my knowledge, contain any-
thing whatsoever that could be classified as a medical aphrodisiac. INTERVIEWER: Thank you Mrs. Borg-
nine. Now what is this about you giving
away 100.000 free samples of TOVA
perfume to prove it is safe to wear in
public. Is this true? TOVA: Yes it is. Ernie and I plus Marty
Allen and some of our other special
friends will be giving away free samples of TOVA perfume on Thursday:
the 21st at The Century Plaza Hotel
and the public is invited and best of all
there is no admission. Well there you have it. According to
Mrs. Borgnine, all she has created is an un-
usual perfume that everybody (especially
men!) seems to enjoy. On the other hand,
there are other people who insist that this is
absolutely the most potent erotic fragrance
ever to hit the market. Whatever the case. you can find out for vourself at no risk at
all. All you have to•do is go to the Century
Plaza Hotel and pick up a free sample and
give it a try. But, according to Ernest Borg-
nine, you'd better not be late, because this
stuff is so hot it is going to go like wildfire.