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You rip out that page also.

Lordy! Here's a shaving mirror you can use in the shower! Gotta have that... so... you rip out that page too.

Holy shit! Look at this: It's the Ipen. It's little more than 5½ inches long and is the world's first combination ballpoint, view finder digital camera, a web cam and a stylus for your PDA. Discreet buttons (which translates to impossible to see) let you seek a specific function. The built-in 8MB memory can hold up to 400 images or connect directly to a USB interface to use as a PC web camera!

All For Only $149.00!

Think I'm kidding? See page 19 of your free copy of the Summer SKYMALL magazine.

You rip that page out and, before you're finished 7 more pages containing stuff you just can't resist. The plane finally lands. It's a routine flight so you are only 5½ hours late. You fight your way through the airport and go to the rent-a-car counter. After 32,718 questions, they give you the keys to a sardine can on wheels and you're on your way. 7½ hours later you find you find your rental car and drive around for 3 hours until you find your hotel which, of course, was only … mile from the airport.

You check in. You're a non-smoker but, they mistakenly give you a room for smokers. You change rooms. But, the second room is not made up yet. You sit in the lobby for 2½ hours watch CNN vomit out the same news stories every 15 minutes.

Finally your room is ready. You carry your stuff upstairs and discover your plastic electronic key doesn't work. You trundle back down to the front desk and they apologize and re-mooglacize your key for you. You go back upstairs and this time, your key works.

You, being the anal-retentive guy you are, hang up all your clothes that are hangable, put the rest in drawers and neatly arrange your personal grooming stuff in the bathroom.

You call home. You tell your honey it was a routine trip. She tells you the water heater has broken, flooded the basement and the water is only 1½ feet away from your living room floor. The plumber is on his way over, but he wants $350 an hour for having to make a call at 1:30 a.m.. Your son, Josh came home with a nose ring and a tattoo that says “Hockey Players Don't Have Balls!”