2005 - 11-29-05

All By
Yourself!

But I ain't giving it to you free.

You're gonna have to pay.

But I'll say this, if you decide to buy what
I'm about to offer... and... you have one drop of marketing
blood in your veins... it will be worth millions to you.

Let me tell you about January 16, 1994.

There are three things that happened on that
date which make it especially memorable.

First, it's the date Telly Savalas passed
away. You remember him, don't you? He's the bald-headed
actor who played "Kojak" the lollypop sucking detective on a
long-running TV show.

The other thing which was memorable about
January 16, 1994 was what happened later that "evening"
about 2 o'clock in the morning. (I guess that would make it
technically January 17.) Well, anyway, that's the date
California experienced a monstrous 6.6 earthquake.

I was sleeping with a girlfriend who lived
in Studio City at that time. One curious thing I remember
about her apartment building was it was owned by the TV star
of Miami Vice, Don Johnson. Anyway, there we are, sound
asleep when the entire building starts swaying and shaking
like King Kong or the Jolly Green Giant has grabbed ahold
of it and is moving it back and forth furiously. You know
what popped out of my mouth instantly and I swear to God
this is true. While everything in the room was shaking, I
said to my girlfriend...

"Honey, was it good for you too?!"

Well, maybe I shouldn't have said that. As
soon as I did a very heavy dresser smashed down on my head.
It was like God was bitch-slapping me for having the
arrogance to mock his divine power. I wrapped my body
protectively around my girlfriend and kept saying,