2005 - 09-15-05

Sincerely,

Gary C. Halbert

PS – I've reconsidered creating "The Gary
Halbert Hurricane Relief Fund." I've decided after all I want to do it. I want everybody reading this letter to
make a contribution to this fund. I want all of the
contributions to be made in the form of small, unmarked bills of
$20 denomination or less. And, in the spirit of good
Samaritans, I want you to send me your envelope full of
cash, without revealing to me your name or return address. I
want all of the contributions to be completely anonymous so
you can have the satisfaction of having done a good
deed for reasons so unselfish, you didn't even want
anybody else to know it was you that did the good deed.
Send the cash to the address at the top of this newsletter
and write on the outside of the envelope:

"Theresa, do not
open this envelope.

For Gary's eyes only."

I promise you, once I receive enough cash, I will go personally to
the disaster areas of the Gulf States and make sure as many young women as possible have
such a glorious "good time" they will be able to stop
thinking of the nightmare their lives have become. (At
least for a night or two.)

Not only that, if I receive enough
money to straighten out the Hurricane Katrina mess, any
money I have left over, I will scurry to the Middle
East and straighten out the problems over there.

In addition
to that, I will begin devoting all my leftover energies to
curing cancer, heart disease, AIDS and every other deadly
affliction known to man.

So, contribute now. Contribute
generously. Contribute anonymously. And, trust in me.

I wouldn't lie to you, would I?

I just turned on my TV and our local weather
man (Brian Norcross) says the effects of Hurricane Rita is
only minutes away from knocking on my door. Adios Shitweasel. I'm outta here.

Peace.